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So please do not be fooled by men with the shirt and tie syndrome as some don’t earn much or earn at all. The ‘I love you’ twe twe guy These guys earn a standard Ghana wage and meet up with you for the first time/date and before you have even said how you like to spend your time, they are telling you how much they love you. This throws me as I believe love grows, Im sure you can love things about a person but don’t see how you can be IN love with them after 2 minutes together.

This is how Ghana love is, beware as I believe this is used a lot as they think thats what ladies want to hear so they will ‘know’ the guy is serious, you will give yourself to him then when you call him the following day he doesn’t pick up the phone or picks up to say he’s mad busy and will call you back…which of course never happens. The ‘royal oats’ guy This guy is a guy who wants to sew his ‘royal oats’ for one reason or another, he seems like someone you can get serious with.

And, for me to find men that I do click with, I have to continue to put myself out there to find my partner in Couch Chicken Olympics.

But between working 12 hours a day, my semi-monthly attempt to stop being fat, and sleeping, (and my admittedly arbitrarily picky standards – I like what I like), I don’t find many opportunities to find my Bougie Black Prince at Fort Greene Afrobeats parties. But every few months (read: my mom turned 50 literally yesterday and has started amping up her demands on my uterus at a terrifyingly astronomical rate), I whip myself into a fever dream and find myself doing something that has empirically never worked out for me: I sign up for online dating.

I’d rather sit on my couch and eat a disturbing amount of chicken while watching a marathon.