The truth is, even if your teeth were great and your life were somehow perfect, you’d still have issues about something, and if you didn’t personally feel that you did, the culture would try to make you have them. If you’re talking yourself into feeling it for someone, that’s a sign that you are NOT actually feeling it.
Anyone who tells you differently is selling something. It is *the* way to get us to lie down in Procrustes’s magic bed of our own free will. You get to reject people (and they get to reject you) as dating partners for any reason at any time. Which also means people get to make snap judgments about you and decide, “and there is no way you can “deserve” attention or affection from a specific person. I’m asthmatic, and even the residue/smell on clothes triggers my wheezing. Your profile lists 10,000 supercool books, bands, and movies and all of it was made by white men? You live in a place not reachable by public transit? But 1,000s of guys are looking at my profile and thinking, “” to call me names and remind me that I shouldn’t get to be picky or “judgmental” about men when I am such a fatty-fat-fatty (manatee, cow, pig, whale, she-beast, etc.) They feel “tricked” into “wasting time” looking at my profile.
So I signed up for some online dating, but it’s been tough.
I didn’t know back when I started this thing that I was, you know, starting A Thing, with Jedi Hugs and FEELINGSBOMBS and African Violets.
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You’re giving the person in the second (overly-invested) scenario WAY too much power over your happiness and forgetting that they get to make a snap judgment. What we should also understand, in the name of complete honesty: If you scrape the surface, many dealbreakers stink of sexism, size-ism, classism, able-ism, and racism.
As a straight white woman, I get more messages from suitors than others might.
That’s why I advocate for asking people out sooner rather than later and without a sense of entitlement or getting too invested. We are works in progress, so maybe a year from now you’ll be an ex-smoker and I totally missed my shot with a great guy. (Update as of 10/2012: Currently dating a considerate smoker who never smokes around me. ) Want to tell me about how you love Ron Paul or your favorite book is ? What they don’t understand…I mean, one of the many, many, MANY things they don’t understand…is that I think that they get to be picky, and that I also get to be picky.