The fact that it was in the open made the relationship real and so, to me, feel leaden with responsibility. This is the relationship that I feel saddest about, because I hurt somebody who was important to me.
When I could not find a married woman to sleep with I tried to create drama for myself by going out with women who had boyfriends or with whom I worked.
Back then, because I had very difficult parents who did not pay me much attention, her interest brought enormous relief. I would write down lists of things I wanted to tell her.
I would tell her I preferred people not knowing my business, while in reality I just liked secrets.
I am not sure when I decided that the loneliness of going out with married women, the sense of being invisible that I experienced when I met their husbands and the sense of not being able to plan my schedule because I was always waiting for small windows of availability all became too much.
PW Ravi also told her that he was going to buy coconuts and fruit for the pooja, as it was a Friday, and he was directed by her to get a packet of gold filter cigarettes for Rathinam as well.
Ravi thereafter left for the shop belonging to PW7 and as he came to the spinning section of the mill, he met the deceased who was to work the night shift and told her that he was going out to buy coconuts and cigarettes.
Like all affairs, this relationship existed outside time, outside responsibilities. There is something astonishing about how secrets make you feel like you live in a world of your own.