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may not have won the Oscar for Best Picture, but it remains one of the most critically acclaimed romantic comedies in recent movie history.

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After decades of rom-coms pushing the idea that our love lives are controlled by destiny, that a singular person completes us, it seems we’re in the throes of a soul mate backlash.

And that makes sense, when you consider our rising cultural fatigue with dating apps, and dating in general.

My brothers and I thought this song was funny, so my father often sang it to us.

With the lyrics in mind—and the relevant research in hand—my colleagues and I examined this phenomenon ourselves (Fugère et al., 2015).

But anyone who’s gone on even one Hinge date knows the chasm between the promise of dating apps and the reality can be staggering — and the search itself can be deeply misguided.