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And the result is a lot of pain caused by unmet basic needs.

Throughout the rest of this article, we’ll look at four principles that will help you choose the right person, be the right person, and develop healthy relationships.

After 20 years in the profession of helping people, I have come to understand something: we cause much of our pain by the people we choose.

In every kind of clinical issue that psychologists deal with, relationships are a big part of the picture in some way.

Before we talk about choosing, though, let’s look at hurtful selections people make. We are attracted to someone’s outsides: their looks, their status, their intelligence, or achievements. The character makeup of a person determines what they’ll be like in a relationship.