Figuring out what dating dealbreakers are

Many people would consider being HIV positive to be an instant dealbreaker.

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Others may decide that they will date virgins because of ideas about “purity” or the notion that someone with less experience will be less prone to judge them harshly.

If you are the sort of person who insists that “drama” is a dealbreaker, then you need to examine whether your idea of “drama” translates to “my partner having needs or desires that annoy me.”On the other hand, the common complaint that women won’t date shorter men has less to do with height being inherently attractive and more to do with ideas about gender roles.

Asian men are seen as feminine or sexually null, while black women with strong sub-Saharan features and darker skintones are portrayed as less attractive and desirable than black women with more European facial features. You might be surprised how often what we think of as acceptable or unacceptable is based on other people’s opinions and popular culture rather than how we feel ourselves.

Other times, issues that might be a dealbreaker are born out of residual stigma that may not necessarily apply any more.

How will you settle the question of how you’re going to raise your children?