And, in the back of my mind I did consider he might grace the place with his presence. As Tim and I were finishing our trendy plates, in saunters Adonis with a beautiful lady who seemed conspicuously dressed in the previous night’s date-dress. Now, that may sound like a nightmare, since I’ve been involved with Adonis recently, but actually, it’s ok. Maybe it was even unfair for me to pop into ‘his’ cafe on his street on a Saturday morning? Not to stop and talk and get things tangled up in introductions or conversations–ick, nobody needs quite that level of complication. Maybe he’s found his strength, and is playing to it. It almost seems like there is something about the Centaur that’s meant to get me SO flustered that I eventually give up, stop overthinking, and stop trying to control my reality. He popped up beside me and we had fun like we’d never had before. How totally just right for my newly single Mama Bear self!
Now, part of me is very much ok with this kind of compartmentalization. I went to a breakfast cafe that happens to be a place Adonis and I had enjoyed together once in the past. And he has other lovely qualities: he’s extremely fetching, he’s wild and passionate for life, and he’s great with his dog. Maybe he likes being seen, named, recognized as much as I do.
I actually like it, because of the escape, and the passion. I went with Tim for a fun mom-and-kid breakfast–after all, Adonis doesn’t own the place, and I wanted some avocado toast on sourdough, damnit! It’s a tough world out there, and if there’s something that brings you comfort and hurts no one, by all means, you do You! I arrived at a music festival knowing I’d see him there. That’s the only way I know how to describe the goofy look on his usually distant face. The brief expansion of our verbal exchanges ended there.
But, I figured, if Robin Wright can snag a hot younger boyfriend after 15 years of marriage and a very public divorce, I could at least give dating a shot.
To my pleasant surprise, my 30-something confidence combined with the dawn of casual online dating culture made for one damn fun year and a half.
I wondered what was going through her mind, and even more, what did she know? That still wouldn’t erase my take aways from that dream date. There is nothing in the world that can be said against them. I had to do a little deep breathing and a little emotional gymnastics and a long phone call with a wise and polyamorous friend. I suppose it is part of sorting out what affairs and relationships all mean to me, now that I’m a newly single mom.